


Defragmentation

by SirLadySketch



Series: You Wouldn't Download A Boy [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (eventually) - Freeform, Angst, Body Horror, Canon Divergent, Gen, He has a lot of stuff to work through, Lea and Roxas friendship, Lea comes to terms with pretty much everything, Lea is kind of a drama queen in this, Replicas, Roxas and Lea reunion (sort of), The destiny trio helps him do it, Trailer-Inspired, You wouldn't download a boy, brief mentions of Xion, i guess?, no ships, post KH3 fic, soul searching, this one is lea and roxas friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-03 22:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15828612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirLadySketch/pseuds/SirLadySketch
Summary: Lea would do anything to help his best friend, but thethingthey downloaded is not Roxas, and nothing the puppet can say or do will ever change his mind.What-if Lea and Roxas reunion fic set after KH3.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick fic idea that came to me that's [ **based on the cheesey meme I made up after the last trailer, haha** ](http://sirladysketch.tumblr.com/post/174836458423/thetwilightroad-sirladysketch)  
>  This is canon-divergent -- I have them downloading Roxas after the big battle, but I tried to stick to canon-compliant as much as possible.  
> Huge shout out to [ **PineOvercoat**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pineovercoat/pseuds/pineovercoat) for reading through this for me and talking me through the bits where I got stuck! <3

There’s something oddly cold and anticlimactic about holding your heart in your hands. Well, not his literal heart, Lea can feel _that_ beating in his chest, a steady thump that quickens when he thinks about not _what_ he holds, but what’s _on_ what he holds.

It’s a hard drive, a digital copy of a memory, much like the cards he’d given to Sora as he made his way through the Castle of Oblivion, removing old data to replace it with new. It’s odd to hold one again, things from his past that keep coming back to haunt him, to remind him of all the terrible things he’s had to do to get where he is now.

But Sora’s words echo in his head, and as he sits and waits, he cannot help but marvel at this seemingly small, insignificant but absolutely precious thing in his hands. Cannot help but wonder how everything he fought for, everything he believed in, all comes down to this metal and plastic box. He turns it in his hands, runs his fingers along the edges of the crown motif, careful not to touch its sensitive ports. It’s survived this long, he’d hate to be the one to damage it now, not when they’ve finally, _finally_ gotten this far.

_This holds the data Diz used to build Roxas._

It’s a possibility.

_We can bring him back!_

It’s also terrifying.

Sora stands beside Zexion-- no, _Ienzo_ \-- to stare at the computer screen as the data compiles, the simulated world rebooting and running background checks to ensure that everything is in order before the transfer. Some of it’s been corrupted, they’ve seen the damage Axel made when he tore his way into the simulation, and some of it’s been wiped entirely by the main program itself.

 _We couldn’t get the beach to compile correctly_ , Riku had explained, looking away and not meeting Lea’s eye. He’s standing beside Sora now, hands dancing over the keyboard, looking up at the screen every so often to check their progress. The Twilight Town kids are here, too, although they’re standing in the corner, almost like they’re not sure why they’re there. Honestly, Lea isn’t sure why they’re here either, but Ienzo says it might be comforting having more familiar faces around when Roxas wakes up.

 _When_ Roxas wakes up. It’s that certainty in Ienzo’s voice that gives Lea the spark of hope that burns low and warm in his chest, and it’s Ienzo’s unspoken promise that has Lea picking up the drive to keep it safe in these final moments. No one tries to stop him, which is good, because Lea doesn’t want to think about what he’d do to keep the drive-- keep his best friend, keep _Roxas_ \-- close while they wait.

Then the computer dings and Lea tightens his hold, waiting for the results. Everyone’s waiting, you can see them all collectively holding their breath, but the computer program takes his time to review the data, and as much as Lea wants to watch the screens, his eyes keep drifting down to the metal box in his hands, and then to the lotus pod that holds the blank puppet that will soon be Roxas.

TRON is still crunching numbers and chattering about probabilities, but there seems to be a general murmur of agreement between the three at the computer. Sora turns to give him a look but Lea ignores him, thumb running over the golden crown insignia for the hundredth time.

“Axel?” His head snaps up but it’s Kairi who spoke, and Kairi who puts a hand on his shoulder to help ground him to this moment. She’s only done it to get his attention, and when she sees she has she smiles, holding out her hand. “Are you ready?”

“I was born ready, got it memorized?” he quips. He doesn’t take her hand, and she doesn’t try to take the drive. No one says anything as he hesitates for the fraction of a second before handing over Roxas to Ienzo. He stands close, watching the the drive disappear into the computer, and holds his breath.

“How long will this take?” Riku asks when it’s clear that Ienzo isn’t going to say anything about Lea’s hovering. Ienzo gives him a look and sighs heavily, flipping through the pages of Even’s research notes and tapping a section that’s littered with notes.

“The mind is a complex and delicate thing,” Ienzo says, turning to type in a response to one of the query boxes from TRON. When the program begins its execution, he turns to Riku and Sora and shrugs. “I am unfamiliar with this system, but if the process is similar to the Castle’s facilities, it will take less than an hour for the form to impress, perhaps another for the memories to settle.”

He doesn’t look at Lea when he finishes, “Given the limited amount of data we were able to pull, it may take less time. Sora’s presence will likely be required for further unpacking and integration, once the initial download is complete. Lea, you may be required as well.”

Lea stands a little straighter at that, narrowing his eyes as he tries to catch Ienzo’s eye.

“What do you mean, _limited_ data? Ienzo?” Lea turns to Riku, but the keyblade master studiously looks at the research notes and nowhere else. That leaves Sora, who flushes and shrugs and can’t _quite_ ignore him as well as the other two. But it’s Kairi-- _of course it was Kairi, it’s always Kairi who’s willing to talk to him--_ who reaches out and takes his hand, leading him over to the pod to wait.

“They recovered everything they could,” she says gently, and gives his hand a squeeze. “And Sora will be able to help fill in some of the gaps. And you, if you give it time.”

“Gaps,” he repeats, not quite a question, but her quiet presence calms him, and he doesn’t fight for the return of his hand. Instead, they stand and watch together as the pod lights up from within.

The base puppet form is still blank, but there’s a glow swirling around the top of the pod and Lea can feel the magic begin to build. There’s a hum in the air as the computers kick in, too, and a gentle vibration as the liquid in the tank begins to circulate. For a good twenty minutes or so, nothing seems to happen beyond shifting colors and variating mechanical noises as the computer does… whatever it is it does. Distills information? Axel never paid attention to Vexen’s work in the Castle of Oblivion, he’d always been more interested in the results than the process.

Lea puts his hand to the glass and waits, watching as memories begin to impress upon the form, dictating where the muscle should swell and how long the limbs should be. It’s like a ghost at first, translucent and blurred, and parts seem to shift  He can see the dusting of freckles across those narrow shoulders, and watches the golden hair float like a golden halo across the achingly familiar face.

It keeps going, the reformation of Roxas, and it’s only when another pronounced trail of gold begins to form that Lea releases Kairi’s hand to cover her eyes. She laughs but doesn’t pull his hand away, willing to give Roxas his privacy. But Lea watches as the rest of Roxas appears before him, solid and real and _alive_ , and it’s all he can do to stop himself from prying the metallic petals back to pull Roxas from his cocoon.

Instead he calls back to Ienzo and Riku, unwilling to take his eyes off his friend. “How much longer?” he asks, and there’s a rustle of paper and beeping of the computer as someone tries to figure that out.

It’s the computer program TRON that says “Transfer complete”, and Lea immediately begins to shuck his scarf and vest, wishing he’d planned ahead far enough to remember that Roxas would need something to wear. But Kairi slipped away while he was distracted, and nudges him to hold up the blanket she’d had the foresight to bring.

That’s all it takes. There’s a hiss of locking mechanisms being released, and Lea reaches in to pull Roxas down and out, leaning him into the blanket and then wrapping him up to keep him warm. The vest doesn’t cover much, but the scarf is wide enough to wrap around Roxas’ thin frame twice, and Lea tucks his best friend against his chest, unable to speak. He can feel the slow and steady beating of Roxas’ heart, feel the rise and fall of his chest, and he’s real and alive in Lea’s arms, and suddenly nothing else matters. He’s _alive_. That’s all Lea’s ever wanted, to have his best friend back.

“Bring him over here,” Ienzo instructs him, and Lea scoops up Roxas’ form-- _he’s so light, was he always this light?_ \-- and lays him down on the table, brushing the wet bangs off of Roxas’ face. He fusses with the blanket a moment, trying to make sure that Roxas is as comfortable as possible on the cold metal slab, but Ienzo shoos him away to hold a stethoscope to Roxas’ chest, listening to the slow, even beat of a newly formed heart.

As Ienzo makes notes in his book, Sora sits down across the table from Lea and smiles, then picks up Roxas’ hand and to hold it over his own heart. There’s a gentle glow that brightens at the contact, some residual magic that allows Sora’s heart to connect to Roxas, and Lea can only guess how much it will help _‘fill in the gaps,’_ whatever that means.

There isn’t a lot of room but Lea sits down and mimics the motion, taking up Roxas’ other hand and holding it close, shutting his eyes to remember and _wishing_ as he’s never wished for anything else.

He thinks about the day they met, and ice cream after missions while watching the sunset. About meeting Sora and wishing he could tell Roxas everything, and wanting to keep him safe, even though it went against orders. About best friends and sorrowful goodbyes, and promises to meet again in the next life. About all he’d _wished_ he’d said while they’d had the time, and all he wants to say now that they will.

There’s a low moan, and fingers flex in his hold. Lea looks up to see Roxas squinting against the light, looking pained and slightly sick, but he’s _alive_ and it’s all Lea can do to keep himself from dragging him off the table and into his arms. He settles for a quick (albeit affectionate) hug before helping Roxas sit up, tugging the blanket firmly in place to make sure he doesn’t get cold, and he can’t keep himself from grinning.

“You’re finally awake,” he says, and he can see the effort it takes for Roxas to turn his head in his direction, to focus those blue eyes down on him. He squints, a familiar frown on his face as he stares at Lea, taking in his features and tilting his head. There’s no sign of recognition, but it’s not the blank stare of the day Roxas was ‘born’ in Twilight Town. Lea can see Roxas sifting through his memories to try to put a name to a face, and he forces himself to hold the grin, despite the less than friendly reaction. Roxas is _alive_. That’s all that matters, right? He gives Roxas’ hand a quick squeeze.

“How are you feeling?” Riku interrupts, and Roxas’ attention is drawn up and away. It’s clear that he’s still working on putting the pieces together, and Lea looks away long enough to catch the look between Sora and Ienzo, and something in his chest stutters. It takes Lea a moment to realize it’s his heart and his smile fades, but he’s not sure why he’s suddenly got this feeling that something is terribly, terribly wrong.

“Who….?” Roxas finds his voice at last, a small and tremulous thing, and he’s looking at the people surrounding him, searching out a familiar face. His attention is focused, briefly, on Lea’s hand still holding his own, and he looks up in confusion, not pulling away, but not returning the hopeful squeeze, either. Then his eyes focus on something behind and beyond Lea, and his face brightens into a smile.

“Hayner! Pence! Olette!”

Lea’s hand grows cold as Roxas pulls free to tug the blanket higher, and it’s Sora who stops Roxas from jumping off the table, still holding his hand, the connection between them still glowing. The three Twilight Town kids come over and stand close by, smiling at Roxas as Ienzo checks his reflexes. Riku stands guard, his expression grim, arms crossed. It’s Kairi who sits beside Lea and tries to warm his numbing fingers in her hands.

“TRON determined that the version of Roxas that was most complete was from the first day of his… summer vacation,” she says, voice low. Lea barely hears her, listening as Roxas chatters with his friends, the three kids who never actually knew him, but they have enough sense to play along and put him at ease while Ienzo and the others make sure he truly is alright.

Lea swallows hard, breathing in through his nose and keeping his gaze on the floor. There’s probably a word for the awful, gut-clenching feeling that makes his heart pound against his ribs, and his mind tries to remember what it might be, even as he wills himself to his feet. The sudden movement makes Roxas jump, and Kairi sighs, recognizing that even her efforts aren’t going to help.

“You’re telling me that after everything we went through, everything I fought for, I _died_ for, you weren’t able to save my best friend?” He says at last, cutting through the chatter. He’s not even yelling, his voice is low and calm, but the others have been around him long enough now to recognize the anger in his voice.

“He’s still Roxas, Axel,” Sora says, but he shrinks back under the look Lea gives him. Lea’s doesn’t even care about the name slip, it’s the flippant cavalier attitude that implies he’s overreacting to this.. This…

“This _thing_ is not Roxas!” he snaps, pointing a finger at the damn puppet that doesn’t have the decency to be _half_ the person Lea was hoping for. “ _This_ is just a… copy! A stupid, useless puppet that has the _gall_ to wear Roxas’ face without having _any_ of Roxas inside it! It’s just worthless data!”

The copy flinches back under the attack, and the three townies surround him in a tight, protective circle. Riku glares at him and he doesn’t care, too livid and hurt to deal with one of the boy’s self righteous lectures. Sora hasn’t moved, and Kairi stares at her feet. Ienzo just sighs, and hands the puppet what can only be a pile of clothes.

“I don’t understand,” the copy says at last, turning back to his friends-- the people he _thinks_ are his friends-- and suddenly Lea remembers _despair_. That’s what he’s been feeling. Having a heart sucks.

Then the puppet turns to look at him again, confused and alarmed, and Lea leaves. Just turns around and walks out the door, up the stairs and out of the mansion, ignoring Sora’s surprised cry, pulling out of Kairi’s hand on his shoulder. Riku lets him leave, and the Twilight Town kids are still scared of him so they don’t make a fuss.

Maybe he’s being overdramatic but he still hasn’t gotten used to _feeling_ so damn much, and as far as first impressions go, he thinks an abrupt exit is probably better than more anger, or even worse, tears.

Because that’s what it is-- a first impression. Diz had removed all of Roxas’ memories of his time with the Organization to stick him in the simulation, the better to integrate him into the program that would slowly tear him apart from the inside out. Digital Data Roxas -- the early, most ‘complete’ version wouldn’t know Lea, wouldn’t know _Axel_ from anyone else on the street.

Lea’s always been a fighter. If something or someone gets in his way, he attacks it head-on, no hesitation. It’s even better when you can talk your way out of something, or convince someone else to do something you don’t want to. But you can’t punch memories into someone who wears your best friend’s face, and you can’t convince someone that you were friends by cajoling them with stories when they can only take at your word.

Inevitably, he finds himself on the clock tower ledge, the expanse of the town laid out before him in a blanket of golden light. He’s always loved the view from up here. Always loved the memories, and always planned to return ‘in the next life,’ if he had one. He had to hand it to Xemnas, the man had always managed to make ‘the next life’ sound like it would be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Staring out at the city that holds so many fondly remembered memories, for the first time since he woke up alive, Lea wishes he was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Growing up, Isa always told him that he was too rash, too emotional in his actions. Lea would hate to think what he’d say now as he sits and sulks on top of the clock tower to mourn Roxas while everyone else is patting themselves on the back for a job well done. Isa always was the cool-headed and rational one of their friendship, able to separate himself from emotions to ensure that they’d considered all of their options before they acted.

He wishes he had even half of Isa’s calm and composure. He could really use some clarity to sort through everything he’s feeling, and Isa always knew how to steer him in the right direction. Then again, he can still remember the bland expression on Isa’s face when he--no, when _Saix_ stabbed him through the heart and turned him into Axel. Probably better to feel too much than nothing at all.

But Isa’s not here anymore, another victim of the final battle, and now Lea’s got to think things through on his own. He usually has good instincts. Part of him even agrees with all of them-- even if the puppet doesn’t have all of Roxas’ memories, Roxas was still Roxas when he’d met him in the simulation. When they’d fought the second time, Roxas really had remembered something of their friendship, or at least, he said he had. Stripping out the memories hadn’t affected his personality, it had just made him more vulnerable to attack. And if that was true then, wouldn’t it be true now?

The other part of his heart, the part that has him sitting up on the clock tower ledge and brooding, that part tells him that it still feels like betrayal. He knows puppets can become real people. Xion did-- at least, that’s what Kairi says, she’s the only one who can clearly remember the puppet who grew a heart since she’s got Namine’s memories-- and Riku’s double managed it, too, although his existence had also been brief. With time and experience, apparently anyone, _anything_ sentient can grow a heart.

But Roxas _has_ a heart, or at least he did when he was broken down into data. Technically, he’s part of Sora, but he’s also part of Ven, so he’s got _two_ hearts to pull from, plus the one he grew with the experiences gained during his year’s existence in the Organization. This puppet doesn’t have _any_ of that, it’s just a clean copy of what Diz deemed important enough to transfer over. The personality is there, sure, but is that enough? Does that make it Roxas?

The rational part of him says that it doesn’t matter-- he should stay and tell it everything he knew about _his_ Roxas, give it a chance to figure things out for itself. Stories and memories shared with the puppet may trigger something, may pull emotions from their hearts to help Roxas rebuild his own. Maybe it _could_ be his Roxas with enough time. That’s what the magic at the end of the transfer was, after all; that soft glow from Sora to the puppet was a connection of their hearts, sharing memories and feelings through magic so deeply ingrained it’s almost intimate in nature.

Lea knows he owes the puppet that much, owes it all the chances it can get to rebuild the heart that isn’t quite Roxas’, but it _hurts_ , sharing those private times with someone who looks like his friend but isn’t. Times that were only meant to be shared between best friends, stupid inside jokes that are their own secrets to keep. Maybe it would be different if Xion was there to talk about it, too, but memories of her are even more fragmented than those of Roxas, and he’s overwhelmed with the fear that, even if he gives the puppet everything he has, it will never be enough.

He’s already made up his mind to leave by the time he makes his way down the stairs of the tower. It’s been hours since he left, and who knows what the others have gotten up to. Probably playing pretend with the oversized doll, or maybe they’re trying to see if there are other memories they can stick in its head while it’s still young and impressionable and open to suggestions. All he knows is that he can’t deal with this, can’t be here right now, not when there’s a chance that he could fail Roxas once again.

Kairi finds him as he gathers up the last of his gear, reorganizing the small section of the apartment he’d carved out for himself when it was apparent they were all going to be there for a while. It’s not much, just a bed and a small chest of drawers, and it doesn’t take long for him to pack the rucksack full of clothes and supplies he’ll need when he leaves.

She leans against the wall, not bothering to stop him, but he should’ve known she wouldn’t have let him leave without saying goodbye. And he wouldn’t have, at least, not for her. She’s the only one who matters here, the only true friend he’s really been able to make during his time with the other heroes of light, the only one who doesn’t back down when he puts up his guard.

“He asked about you,” she says instead, and it takes all his willpower not to flinch. He continues to make up the bed with clean sheets-- maybe _It_ will take his bed, now that he won’t need it-- and pretends to ignore her. “He’s confused, and he’s having a hard time taking it all in, but he’s still Roxas.”

“It’s not Roxas,” he says, but there’s no heat in his argument. He’s already burned himself out, thinking about all that could have been but never will be, and he’s not up to a fight. Besides, she wouldn’t know-- she never met him, never _knew_ Roxas, never knew all that he was. Never saw what Diz had done to him, how much Diz had _stolen_ from him--- and now she never will, because Roxas is well and truly gone.

“Maybe not yet,” she agrees, and he pauses to look at her. “Ienzo is working with TRON to see if there are any backups of the initial, um, download of Roxas’ consciousness. They’re also looking into what other memories they can safely extract from the simulation to give to him. It will probably take a while for everything to settle into place. Sora is sticking around to see if anything else will resonate and help Roxas remember more, and since Sora’s here, Riku will be, too.”

“And you?” Lea asks, but she shakes her head.

“I’m going back to Radiant Gardens, I’ll be of more use there than here. I think it will be good for him to be somewhere familiar for a while, before we start pushing too hard. Oh, wait, before you close that--” She stops him from zipping up his last bag and hands him a folded piece of paper. He opens it, staring hard at the image on the page as she explains. “No one ever bothered cleaning up most of the rooms in the mansion, so all of Namine’s drawings were still there. I thought you might want this one.”

It’s him and Roxas standing side by side, holding hands-- well, maybe holding hands. Namine wasn’t that great at fine details, but their forms and hairstyles are recognizable against the stark white of the paper. He swallows hard as he looks at it a moment longer, then meets her eye.

“Take it with you,” she tells him. “So you can remember how far you’ve come as you figure out where you go.”

He nods, slipping the paper into a pocket and hefting the bag over his shoulder. “I’ll keep you posted,” he promises, and he’s about to leave when he stops, realizing they’re no longer alone, if they ever were.

 _It_ stands in the doorway, looking frightened and embarrassed and completely unlike Roxas, who would never stammer about getting caught eavesdropping. Someone found it some clothes, an assortment of slightly ill-fitting styles in reds and yellows. It doesn’t quite match the Twilight Town Trio, but seeing it dressed and standing almost makes it look like a real person now.

“Sora told me I should say goodbye. Um, since you’re leaving,” says the puppet, and Lea narrows his eyes at it, wishing it was gone, wishing Sora hadn’t made things worse with the best intentions. “He says that we were… friends?” There’s a question to the end of that sentence, as though the puppet can’t believe it either.

It holds out something in its hands, and Lea recognizes the scarf and vest he’d wrapped around Roxas— _the puppet_ —folded into a neat pile. He stares at it unmoving, and after a moment’s hesitation it lowers its hands and sets the bundle on the bed, very carefully not looking up at Lea.

“I’m sorry,” it says, and Lea sighs, pushing past it.

“Whatever,” he says, and he leaves, no longer worried about where he’s going as long as he doesn’t stay here, as long as he doesn’t have to look at _it_.

Kairi makes an irritated noise but doesn’t try to stop him. The copy doesn’t even look up to watch him go.

 

\- -  -

Lea’s always found it kind of tough to read Yen Sid’s expressions. To him, the old man always looks like he’s caught between perpetually sucking on a lemon and giving ‘those dang kids’ the crazy eye for standing on his lawn. Lea shifts uncomfortably as the master turns that unblinking stare on him, the lemon-sucking expression collapsing into more of a disapproving squint.

“A mission?”

Lea tries not to scowl at the incredulity in the old man’s voice, but he’s the first to admit that he doesn’t have the most… enthusiastic record when it comes to mindless missions, and he _did_ ask for something that will take him off the grid for a while. Yen Sid sits back in his chair to watch him for an uncomfortable amount of time, hands folded in his lap, and Lea starts to think _maybe_ this wasn’t such a great idea when the wizard speaks up again, voice thoughtful.

“It was my understanding that you already had a task assigned to you in Twilight Town,” he says, and this time Lea _does_ scowl, folding his arms and looking away.

“There’s nothing for me there,” Lea says, and tries to ignore the pang in his chest. He tightens his arms around himself instead and stares out the window. It’s sunset, the darkening sky’s warm colors reminding him of the town he just left, and he tries not to think about how he’d originally planned to spend this evening on top of the clock tower, celebrating Roxas’ return with all the ice cream they could eat.

“I see,” Yen Sid replies, and there isn’t _quite_ disapproval in his tone. “And you thought to find something here?”

“I _thought_ you might be able to find something that needs doing,” Lea deadpans, but even he can hear the sulky whine in his voice. Yen Sid clears his throat to get his attention, and he can see the old man isn’t gonna leave it at that.

“Hold out your hand,” Yen Sid says, and Lea complies, already knowing what comes next. “Show me your keyblade.”

Lea rolls his eyes but summons his weapon, fire racing up his arm as it manifests before him. He gives Yen Sid a level gaze over the metallic flames, resisting the urge to sigh. “You want me to swear an oath renouncing darkness again? At this point you’ve made me say it so many times even an idiot would have it memorized.”

“That will not be necessary,” Yen Sid replies, but he looks less irritated and more thoughtful now, watching Lea’s keyblade for any sign of corruption. After a moment he waves a hand and dismisses the keyblade, letting Lea lower his arm again.

“I do have a task for you that I think will suit your purpose. You may stay here until I have made the necessary arrangements.” And with that he’s dismissed, Yen Sid standing up and heading over to the window to stare out at…. _something_. Probably great wizardly things that are beyond Lea’s ken.

Lea’s not quite sure what to expect, but to be honest he really doesn’t care so long as he’s got something to do, something to keep his mind from best friends and ice cream and bitter disappointment. Let the wizard be mysterious, as long as it means Lea doesn’t have to go back to Twilight Town. He goes to the guest quarters to dump his stuff on one of the beds, then heads to the roof to spend the rest of the night staring up at the stars and thinking about all the other worlds, and how he’ll never get to take Roxas to see any of them.


	3. Chapter 3

There’s a fifty-fifty chance that Yen Sid’s either forgotten about him or he’s punishing Lea for abandoning his post at Twilight Town. Either way, Lea’s been at the tower for almost two weeks before anything happens, and when it does it happens far too early for his own tastes. The dawn is just beginning to break over his tower room when his door’s wrenched open and a bright light hits him in the face, waking him instantly.

“Meet me downstairs in ten minutes or you’ll miss breakfast.”

Lea manages to throw a pillow but the door’s already closed, Riku heading downstairs to wait in the kitchens. Lea debates the pros and cons of laying in bed and going back to sleep until it’s a more reasonable hour, but Riku doesn’t make exceptions to what he says, and Lea doesn’t want to get caught snoozing if Riku decides to rat him out to Yen Sid for failing to report in a timely manner.

Still, he pushes his luck _just_ a smidge by coming down twelve minutes after Riku woke him up. Although Riku raises an eyebrow, he doesn’t say anything when Lea deliberately takes his time to grab some toast.

“So what’s the rush? Big mission? Lots of bad guys to fight?” Lea asks between bites. Riku leans against the wall while he waits and shakes his head.

“Escort mission,” he replies. “We’re taking one of the King’s people back to their homeworld for a family visit.”

Lea wrinkles his nose as he swallows. “And they need two of us? What kind of crazy wilderness are we going into? Are there dragons?”

“It’s a high-ranking official, so they get double guards,” Riku says. He waits, slight frown on his face, but whether he’s judging Lea’s choice of breakfast or his outfit is anyone’s guess. After a moment he tilts his head as though he’s been waiting for Lea to do…. something. He’s not giving any clues, and Lea’s not a mind-reader, certainly not _this_ early in the morning, although he can take a wild guess. Instead of playing along, he snags an apple from the bowl and takes a bite, waiting to see when Riku will break.

It only takes a few minutes. “Don’t you want to know?” Riku asks at last, and while Lea knows _exactly_ what he means, he plays ignorant, making sure to take a big bite and chew through his response.

“I figured I’ll find out whenever this bigwig gets here, so there’s no point in asking,” he says completely and purposefully missing the point, and he’s rewarded with an irritated noise.

“Sora hasn’t left Roxas’ side since he woke up. There are still a lot of gaps but he’s been getting better. Learning about everything that happened and putting the pieces together,” Riku says. “I tried to help, too, but… well, the only times I really interacted with him weren’t all that positive. We’re still working on it.”

Lea stands up to throw out what’s left of the apple. All of the sudden, he’s not hungry anymore. Riku follows him out of the kitchens and into the courtyard, and when Lea runs out of places to go, Riku presses the issue. “He needs your help-- isn’t that what best friends are for?”

“He isn’t my friend. Roxas is gone,” Lea snaps, and he brushes down his clothes, wondering if he should go back upstairs to dig out something more formal from his pack, but the fanciest clothing he has is the Organization jacket and putting that on might give the wrong impression. Besides, Riku isn’t any more dressed up than he usually is, so it’s not like the kid can yell at him for wearing casual clothes.

Riku’s prevented from yelling at him when a cheery voice interrupts, and a large bug hops into view, taking one giant leap to land in Riku’s outstretched hands.

“Howdy, boys! Good to see ya!”

Talking bugs isn’t the _weirdest_ thing Lea’s seen, but it is unexpected and it’s not something his brain can immediately process at the crack of dawn. Still, he’s met this bug once or twice with Sora, and he tries to remember the cricket’s name as Riku cheerfully chats away with… he’s drawing a blank, but it’ll come to him.

As if on cue, Riku turns his attention back to Lea. The bug is up on his shoulder, settled down against the folded hood. Riku folds his arms and gives him an impatient look. “Are you ready to go? It’ll take a while to get back to Jiminy’s world.”

“How are we getting there?” Lea asks, filing the name under ‘things to get memorized.’ Riku just raises an eyebrow and shifts his eyes to something over Lea’s shoulder and, sure enough, there’s a clearly visible gummi ship sitting on the lawn. In Lea’s defense, it’s not in a place that’s immediately visible from the front doors of the tower, but he feels like he shouldn’t be this distracted, especially if they’re going to go on a mission. Of course, they’re just escorting a bug somewhere, so how hard can it be?

\- - -

Several knuckle-whitening hours later, Lea regrets the toast and apple, but they’re alive and in one piece, despite Riku’s best efforts to break the sound barrier during the trip. Even the ship seems more or less intact, although Lea can see a few more scrapes and dents in the body than when they’d left. Neither Riku nor Jiminy seem all that bothered by the flight, though, so Lea only has a few minutes to catch his breath before they’re out of the woods (literally) and heading into town.

It’s a quaint little village, picturesque and historic more than overtly aesthetic. Lea hasn’t seen anything quite like it, being more of city-folk ilk than rustic, but it has a certain type of charm to it and he finds himself smiling as they walk down the cobblestone streets.

Riku and Jiminy are chatting again, this time something about a whale, but their conversation ends when they stop in front of a small house with a bright blue door. A cheerful boy of about nine or ten plays on the front step with a wooden top as they approach, and he looks up with such a bright smile that Lea immediately thinks of Sora. Lea snorts under his breath, drawing a curious look from Riku, but he’s not about to explain. Some people just have no sense of stranger-danger, and Lea isn’t gonna be the one to enlighten the kid. After all, he doesn’t play boogeyman any more.

“Aw, gee! Hey Jiminy! Hey Riku! Hey Mister!”

The boy’s voice is high and happy, and he carefully sets the top on the table outside of the workshop before he hurries over to the gate to let them through. Jiminy hops off of Riku’s shoulder and bounds into the kid’s arms to wrap him in a hug, and Riku ruffles the boy’s hair before squatting down to eye level. Lea stands back and out of the way, not wanting to intrude on their greetings.

“Heya Pinocch!”Jiminy laughs, setting down on the child’s shoulder. “Whatcha been up to? Have you been a good boy while I’ve been gone?”

“I have!” The little boy stands up straighter and draws an ‘x’ over his heart. “Honest, Jiminy, I’ve been a _really_ good boy. You believe me, right Riku?”

“I’m sure you’ve been doing your best,“ Riku agrees. “It’s good to see you again, Pinocchio.” There’s a tilt of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and his eyes have softened a bit, but Lea notices that he hasn't agreed with the boy.

“Are you here to see Father?”

“We’ll stop in to see him, but I wanted to check in with you first,” Riku replies. He uses his crouched position to look the boy over. “How are you feeling? Are things getting any easier?”

“Sorta,” Pinocchio sighs. “I’m _trying_ but if I do too much I get tired. I have to be more careful when I walk around and go down stairs, and I can’t stay awake all night anymore. I go to school in the morning and come home to help Father in his workshop.” He wrinkles his nose. “And Father’s been making me different snacks to try! Taste is good, but when you eat, then you gotta--”

“What kind of things are you learning in school?” Jiminy interrupts before Pinocchio can finish that sentence, and Lea bites back a grin. Riku’s smile has gone a bit frozen, like he’s trying to hold in a laugh. The boy seems nonplussed though, happy enough to let the subject drop and switch to new topics.

“I’ve been learning to read and write!” the boy says. “I read to Father at night while he carves. And I’ve been learning to play games with the children in town. I am very good at running. Oh! And climbing trees, I’m the best!”

Riku laughs. “I bet you are.” He ruffles the boy’s hair again, then stands up to cross his arms. Pinocchio makes a laughing sound of complaint, and tries to straighten his hair, and it’s as Lea watches Riku smile that he realizes Riku’s fond of the kid. He mulls that over as Riku speaks up again.

“We’ll leave you to talk to Jiminy, I know you have a lot to catch up on.”

“Ok Riku, see you later. Bye Mister!” Pinocchio gives Riku and Lea a quick wave before heading back into the house, chattering to the bug at a mile a minute about everything he’s done since Jiminy’s last visit.

The kid is kinda… _eccentric_ ,  but it doesn’t bother Lea enough to care or ask about it. He turns to Riku, arms crossed. “So that’s it? Mission complete?”

The smile fades, and Riku’s calm and unemotional expression is back in place. He just looks at Lea for a moment, just a blank, neutral expression that gives off an air of indifference and mild irritation. Lea’s used to it by now, it’s pretty much Riku’s default face when they have to work together. But usually he has an irritated quip to follow up the resting bitch face, and the quiet now hangs in the air almost long enough to be uncomfortable before Riku finally replies.

“Not quite.” Riku leads him through the door, then pauses long enough to knock and call inside to announce their presence. “Geppetto?”

“In the shop!” comes an old man’s voice, and Riku leads the way through the cozy house into a workshop that smells of pine, glue, and paint. An old man puts the finishing touches on a wooden train before setting it down to dry on his workbench. He wipes down his hands, turns to give them an interested expression, and his face lights up when he recognizes Riku.

“Ah, it’s been a while, my boy. Welcome, welcome!” and he pulls Riku into a hug, then, without missing a beat, hugs Lea as well. “And your friend, too! Welcome to you both. Please, come, sit! Refreshments? Yes? I have some nice cider, maybe some pretzels?”

“Cider would be great, thanks,” Riku says, and then nudges Lea in the ribs to speak, too.

“Two for cider,” he agrees, and while Riku seems satisfied that he’s playing along, Lea makes sure to choose a seat far enough away from Riku’s reach that he won’t get kicked under the table. Riku pretends not to notice, and decides to strike up a conversation with the old man-- Geppetto-- instead.

“We met Pinocchio on the way in,” he says, and sets the offered mug of cider down in front of him. “Jiminy is with him now-- he’s looking well.”

Lea’s happy to leave the talking to Riku, so he takes a sip from his own mug, and it’s good, good enough that he’ll be happy to sit back and linger onsite for this mission for as long as possible. The trip in was a disaster, but the drinks make up for it. Geppetto puffs out his chest and grins, nodding his head with enthusiasm.

“He’s a good boy, growing up so smart and fast,” Geppetto says, and Riku makes a thoughtful noise that distracts Lea from the pretzel he’s savoring with the cider.

“Has everything been ok since….?” Riku trails off and Lea looks at him, curious about why ending that sentence is so difficult. The old man understands, though, and he laughs, nodding his head as he refills their mugs and pushes the plate of pretzels in Lea’s direction.

“Since he’s changed? Yes. Pinocchio is a good child, he always tries his hardest. He’s growing up to be a strong boy.”

“Was he sick?” Lea’s let his curiosity get the better of him, but the kid outside seemed normal enough, so it must’ve been something pretty nasty to make Riku ask after his health. The woodcarver just chuckles again.

“Ah, no, Pinocchio is my special little boy. You see, not so very long ago I was very lonely, so I made a puppet and wished upon a star...” the old man explains, and Lea stiffens, the final pieces of this mysterious mission clicking into place.

“Imagine my surprise when my little puppet came to life!”

The scent of pod solution comes unbidden to his mind, the wet and warm feel of skin as he pulled the body from the tank. The quiet breaths and steady beat of a new heart, and the achingly familiar face that looked right through him when those eyes opened.

“He’s a good boy, and everything I ever wished for. I love him with all my heart.”

He can feel Riku’s intense focus on him but he doesn’t look, and the old man doesn’t seem to notice the distinct chill in the room. Lea swallows back the memories and sets the mug down with a harsh click against the wood. The pretzel is a sodden weight in the pit of his stomach, the cider an acidic tang that threatens to come up his tightening throat. He glares at Riku.

“You _knew_ ,” he says, and Riku just shrugs, sipping from his mug.

“I met Pinocchio during my travels back when… when I was finding my way through the darkness,” Riku admits, and he’s being vague on purpose, but Lea can put two and two together well enough. He’d make fun of him if he didn’t feel like punching someone. He grips his mug harder instead. Still, it’s Geppetto who speaks up first, patting Riku on the shoulder.

“You’ve been trying your hardest, too, I can tell,” he assures Riku, and laughs when the teen flushes pink.

“It’s been a long road,” Riku replies, but his focus is back on Lea. “And there’s still a ways to go.”

Lea’s spared figuring out something to say by a shrieking wail, and Pinocchio runs into the room. He crashes into Geppetto, all tears and snot, and Jiminy hops in a moment later. Riku relaxes back into his seat when Jiminy gives him a silent ‘it’s fine’ signal, and Geppetto gets the boy calm enough to hold out his hand. It looks like there’s a splinter, and Geppetto sighs before getting to his feet.

“This is why we use the brush and broom, my boy. Sweep away the dust without hurting yourself. Come along, we’ll get it out.” Geppetto picks up the boy and carries him out of the room, and the low, soothing murmur of the old man’s voice is warm and kind. Lea blocks it out, his attention back on Riku.

“A bit ironic for a wooden puppet to get a splinter, isn’t it?”

“In case you missed the cut, he’s flesh and blood now,” Riku snaps back, in no mood for goading. Still, Lea pushes-- _Riku_ probably set the damn mission up, after all. Probably figured this would be a learning opportunity.

“So, what, love something enough and it becomes real? Is _that_ what you want me to do? Just pretend it’s Roxas until I forget that it’s not?”

“He _is_ Roxas. You’d realize that if you gave him a chance and talked to him,” Riku says, then cuts Lea off as he tries to protest again. “Are you any less you, less real after regaining your heart? Are you actually the human you were before you spent time as a nobody?”

Lea snaps his mouth shut to look down and away. That’s a question without a definitive answer; he still lays awake at night, sometimes, listening to the beat of his heart and trying to remember how he’d fallen asleep in the absolute silence of The World That Never Was. There are days he forgets that he’s Lea, nights that he can feel the pull of Darkness at the back of his mind, trying to coax him back. Is his heart his own? Or did Axel twist it in darkness, corrupting it, making him less _Lea_ and more… something, _someone_ else? He knows that, technically, Lea and Axel are one and the same. But knowing something doesn’t make it feel any more real.

Is this how Data Roxas feels? Knowing that he didn’t even properly exist before, and that he’s nothing but a compilation of stolen memories and shared experiences? Does it make it any easier to forgive him for not being _his_ Roxas?

Riku seems satisfied with his silence, and doesn’t push the subject any further.

\- - -

Geppetto insists on feeding them dinner before they go so the stars are already twinkling in the sky when they head back to the gummi ship. Jiminy’s sitting on Riku’s shoulder again, reserved. No doubt he’s sad to be leaving his friends, which leaves an awkward silence between Riku and Lea as they walk down the cobbled streets of town.

They haven’t talked about the mission, if there ever really was one. Lea’s pretty sure this was actually meant to be a guilt trip in all literal senses of the word, but despite Riku and Yen Sid’s best intentions, the only thing he’s feeling is irritated. Was learning about a wooden puppet coming to life because it had a heart supposed to make him forget that the puppet’s wandering around with a stolen face and false heart?

It’s been walking around for two weeks now, no doubt spending time with Sora, Riku, Ienzo, and the Twilight Town kids. Fourteen days after Roxas’ creation, Axel had taught him about the ‘icing on the cake,’ taking him up for his second ice cream bar. Roxas had still been sort of out of it, but he’d been more responsive, more _interested_ in what was going on around him. Two weeks and Roxas had finally begun to become the person who would be his best friend.

Lea wonders if the puppet is starting to come alive now, too. It had been more awake than _his_ Roxas from the start, the false memories planted in its mind giving it a more grounded, if incorrect, sense of being. By this time, the puppet had probably done all the things Roxas had done while stuck in the simulation-- skateboarded around town, played Struggle in the town square, maybe even took the train to the beach. It’s probably even had its first Sea Salt ice cream by now. He tries not to think on why that, above everything else, hurts the most.

They’re on the border between town and forest when Riku finally breaks the silence, stopping by the path that will guide them back to the ship. He stares up at the stars as he speaks, and while it’s dark, Lea can still just make out the wry twist of Riku’s mouth.

“I wanted to help Kairi recover her heart. When I met Pinocchio, he was still just a wooden puppet and I thought that he…” he gives Jiminy an apologetic look. “I thought figuring out how something that shouldn’t have had a heart managed to grow one might fix what happened to her, and I was willing to do anything, no matter the cost. Sora stopped me, fortunately. Then, in the Castle, I met my replica…”

Riku sighs and crosses his arms. “It doesn’t matter how it got one, if a puppet grows a heart, it has as much right to live and be happy as I do.”

“What about puppets that take things that aren’t rightfully theirs?” Lea says, and he’s unsurprised by the bitterness in his tone.

“What did Roxas steal that wasn’t his in the first place?” Riku replies, voice taking on a hard edge. “If anything, he’s _missing_ things he needs to be whole, things that _you_ could help him with if you just got over yourself. You’re only hurting him-- and yourself.”

“He wouldn’t _be_ in this mess if it hadn’t been for you,” Lea says.

“I’ve come to terms with the terrible things I’ve done to keep the ones I love safe,” Riku says, and it’s the calm certainty in his voice that reminds Lea why Riku was the first of the new Keyblade Masters, and why that makes him so dangerous. Riku arches an eyebrow at him. “Have you?”

“Forget it,” Lea snaps, then heads down the path to end the conversation. “And I’m driving this time, I want to get back alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things've been kinda hectic lately, sorry for the delay but appreciate your patience! BIG shoutout to PineOvercoat for reading through this multiple times when she had her own fic to work one ([which you can read HERE, GO DO IT GUYS.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806655))
> 
> I'm still working through comments and responses, but I appreciate everyone reading this, and all the kudos and comments. You guys are amazing. <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the love TwilightRoad and CorvidFeathers for reading this several times over to help me get words plunked down in the correct place. <3 <3

After their mission to the middle of nowhere village, it’s almost a relief to get sent Disney Castle for remedial gummi ship flying lessons. Lea is the first to admit that _maybe_ he hit a few more asteroids than Riku on their flight back, but given that he didn’t just resort to portals of darkness to get away from Riku, he doesn’t think he deserves the lecture he gets when Yen Sid sees the damage to Riku’s ship.

That said, Chip and Dale are easy enough to get along with, and flying around in gummi ships on mandatory driving exercises means that he’s not stuck running errands on different worlds, and his interactions with people outside of the two little chipmunks are limited. Besides, they have a whole box of spare parts left over from everyone’s assorted adventures, so when he’s not flying around in ships, he’s competing with the chipmunks to come up with the most outrageous designs-- and that’s _including_ the weird octopus ship Sora’s so fond of clunking around in.

But one day after a particularly tricky run through obstacles over to Radiant Garden, Lea’s surprised to find Sora waiting for them as they pull in to dock the ship. Chip and Dale hop out to make repairs after a quick hello, and then Sora and Lea are left staring at each other, neither of them willing to break the awkward tension between them.

They haven’t seen each other since _that day_ , although Kairi’s called to keep him up to date. Sora’s been hanging out with the puppet almost all the time, and, by all accounts, the puppet’s been adjusting well. Not that Lea _asks_ about it, of course, but Kairi tells him all the same. The puppet can’t quite call a keyblade yet, but everyone thinks it’s only a matter of time. If anyone can get someone to summon a keyblade it’s Sora, if nothing else than to shut him up.

It’s not Roxas, not _his_ Roxas anyway, but Lea’s glad the puppet has someone like Sora to watch over it.

He decides that he should probably try to be sociable and attempt some small talk. They both end up speaking at once, of course, and then falling silent again to let the other speak first.

“Did you need someth--”

“Are you ever going to--”

Lea frowns, waits for Sora to speak, and crosses his arms to lean against the workshop wall to wait him out. Sure enough, it’s Sora who speaks up again.

“Are you ever going to come back? To Twilight Town, I mean.”

Lea wants to say ‘no’, just out of reflex, but even he knows that isn’t true. He settles for a shrug. “Not right now,” he says instead, which Sora accepts with a nod.

“Everyone gets it, you know,” Sora says, and laughs at Lea’s incredulous look. “Don’t get me wrong, we all think you’re being stupid, but we’ve all had to deal with surprises.”

Lea wonders if Sora considers the times he was pushed into darkness by Xehanort a ‘surprise’, but he’s not really sure that’s what he’d call the whole Roxas issue. A surprise? Not so much. He’s been trying to find a way to help Roxas since his best friend left the Organization. A disappointment? Yes and no-- the fact that _any_ part of Roxas exists now is a comfort, even if it’s not what he’d been expecting. But he’s not quite ready to come to terms with that, and Sora seems to pick up on his wavering emotions.

“But y’know, just because it’s not what you expected to happen doesn’t mean it’s _bad_ ,” Sora continues. “So what if Roxas doesn’t remember everything? He’s alive! You need to stop getting hung up on the past and pay more attention to the present.”

“Did you need something or did you just come here because you felt like lecturing me?” asks Lea, and Sora has the decency to look embarrassed, although he doesn’t apologize or even bother telling Lea to rethink his life choices.

“I actually sorta have a mission for you, if you have time.”

“Old man didn’t say anything about a new mission,” Lea grumbles, and Sora just shrugs.

“He said I should let you know if I need help with anything, and, um… I need help with something outside of town.”

“And you didn’t ask Kairi?”

"This one requires a different kind of approach,” Sora says, then laughs. “I mean, it’s fun hanging out with Kairi again, but I think it would be more effective to have you there.”

“Why?”

“It’ll make more sense when we get there,” Sora says. Lea frowns. Sora’s not usually evasive unless he wants Lea to do something that he knows he’s not gonna be happy doing, and there’s only one thing Lea can think of that Sora would try to sucker him into doing against his will.

“If this is an attempt to get me to talk to that _thing_ \--”

“Roxas is back in Twilight Town, learning how to summon his keyblade again,” Sora interrupts, and he’s lost some of his usual cheerfulness. Lea raises an eyebrow, but it makes sense. By all accounts, if the puppet was here he’d be with Sora, so he’s gotta be off planet.

“Shouldn’t you be there to help him?” Lea asks, and Sora shakes his head.

“Ven is taking care of it.”

Ah. That actually explains a lot-- if anyone other than Sora was gonna help the puppet become more human through memory absorption, it’d be Ventus, since technically speaking, Ven was Roxas’s _other_ ‘other.’ The puppet might not share as strong a connection with Ven as he does with Sora, but it’s certainly possible that Ven took some of Roxas’ memories when he was torn from Sora’s heart.

Of course, the person who might have the best luck giving back memories is _him_ , but the thought of sharing those moments is still too much for him to think about, so he decides to do what he always does and ignores it.

“Fine, whatever. The ship needs to be refueled and tuned up before we head back to the tower anyway, so I’ve got some time to help. Lead on.”

\- - -

You’d think that growing up here, Lea would’ve realized how many hills and chunks of wilderness there are once you get outside of town. Then again, he was always more of an urbanite and never ventured beyond the parks. He’d never felt the need to go beyond the city walls, not when he had everything and everyone he needed in one spot.

“This isn’t really a mission so much as a promise to keep,” Sora admits as they climb up the mountainside trail. “Like, I know Yen Sid sends you places because you asked him to find stuff for you to do, but I don’t think Yen Sid even _knows_ Cloud. Or… maybe he does, I dunno. He seems to know a lot of random stuff and people and things.”

“What kind of promise?” Lea asks, still thinking about his mission with Riku and smarting over how he’d been tricked.

“You know Leon, from the Restoration Committee?” Sora asks, and Lea snorts, thinking about the badge he was given when he'd come back to stay in Radiant Garden for a while.

“I know _Squall_ , yeah,” he says, emphasizing the name from a lifetime ago. Sora just laughs.

“I forget you know people from Radiant Garden before you… auhm….” Sora trails off, realizing that might not be the best way to continue this conversation. “ _Anyway_ , Cloud said he’d help them with stuff and apparently he was there for a while and then just randomly left the city. Aerith says he does this sometimes, but Leon’s pretty worried. Last time Cloud walked away out of the blue, he fought Sephiroth and almost didn’t come back.”

“So what, we’re bodily hauling him back into the city?” Lea asks. If Sora needed muscle to make Cloud come back to the city he’d have better luck with Riku. If he needed someone to mediate, Kairi would’ve been far more effective. Lea doesn’t do tact and finesse, he does _fire_. As tempting as it might be to use Strife as a punching bag to work through some issues, he doesn’t think that’s what Sora has in mind. “He hasn’t even left the world, right? So why can’t Squall get off his ass and collect Strife on his own?”

“Leon’s busy!” Sora replied, then hesitated. “And… apparently Cloud left after they got into an argument. So I promised I'd go talk to him while I was here.”

That’s unsurprising, given what he knows about the two of them and their strained….something. Friendship? Rivalry? ‘Understanding’ is the only thing that seems to describe it, not that he really cares. Lea hasn’t associated much with anyone from … well, anywhere, really. It’s hard to live and let live when you remember actively working against them. He’s not going to question whatever it is between them, not unless they make him involved (and he’ll be off planet again _long_ before that happens.)

Still, Sora asked for his help and it’s not like Lea’s got anything better to do. And while he’d planned to go bother the old mechanic about finding new gummy parts, Sora doesn’t ask for help-- not from him, anyway--like… ever. Sora’s _trying_ to include him and being decent enough to not make him deal with everything going on in Twilight Town, so the least he can do is go along on what should’ve been an easy task. If he’d known about the hills beforehand though… he might’ve reconsidered.

The trail’s lead them up to the top of a particularly tall hill, and they break through the tree cover to an open, rocky terrain. It’s flat, and Lea can tell that the only reason there aren’t trees all over here, too, is because the area seems to be one large sheet of stone. A few scrub brushes manage to hold on where enough dirt has gathered in crevasses, but the open expanse allows for a spectacular view of the city far below. In fact, this would be an amazing spot to brood, and Lea’s estimation of Strife goes up a notch.

Cloud’s sitting on the ground, looking out over the city and ...well, it looks like he’s just sitting there. His sword is looking a little worse for the wear-- he’s managed to wedge it into one of the cracks in the stone so that it stands upright, the tattered wrappings floating gently in the mild breeze. Cloud braces against it, head tilted to rest on the hilt. There’s no way to tell how long he’s been sitting up here like this, but Lea can guess it’s been longer than what would be considered healthy.

“Hey Cloud,” Sora calls, and Lea swears he can feel a wave of cold roll over them as the man turns to look over his shoulder. It’s strong enough that Lea almost steps in front of Sora to protect him, but Cloud relaxes when he recognizes them, and he doesn’t seem angry or interested in an attack. He just seems… sad.

Cloud closes his eyes, then turns back to stare out over the city.

“Did Aerith send you?”

“Leon said you’re skipping out on chores,” Lea cuts in before Sora can speak, and Cloud chuckles at that, shaking his head.

“He’s too proud to come up and apologize,” he says, but there’s warmth in that sentence, enough that Lea mentally shifts ‘understanding’ to ‘friendly rivalry.’ “He doesn’t have to worry, I keep my promises. I will return to finish the roof.”

“Why’re you out here anyway?” Sora asks, deciding that since Cloud hasn’t tried to kill them it’s safe enough to approach. Lea follows him a few paces behind, but unlike Sora, he’s got his defenses up-- just in case.

“…” Cloud frowned, but didn’t answer, turning to look out over the city again instead.

“Cloud?”

“You know the kid isn’t gonna go away until you answer him, right?” Lea says, putting some snark into his voice because that always gets Squall’s goat. It seems to do the trick for Strife, too. He gives Lea a flat look but replies.

“I made a promise to an old friend a long time ago, a promise that I was unable to keep,” he said. “Leon was kind enough to remind me of that failure and all of my other shortcomings, so I just…” He trails off with a shrug, but they get it.

 _I’ll always be there to bring you back!_ Lea’s mind goes unbidden to his last words to Xion, one of the very few, clear memories he has of her. He’d beaten her almost beyond repair, and had gotten significantly injured in turn. It hadn’t been a happy promise, and in the end he’d ultimately failed to keep it. Just like he’d failed to save Isa from the Darkness, and how he’d failed to bring Roxas home.

Maybe _he_ should go find a hill to sulk on when he got back to Disney Castle so he could brood on his shortcomings, although he doesn’t think he’d get away with that any better than it’s worked out for Cloud. Sometimes it sucks having people who care for you because you can’t sit in for a proper sulk without someone butting in to help you out of your funk. Lea smirks, appreciating Leon’s ‘Sora’ tactic. _No one_ could sulk if Sora had it in his mind to make them happy.

“So… you’re just up here, hanging out with your sword?” Lea asks. He’d probably feel bad about the sarcasm except that was a _really_ big hill they’d had to hike to get out here, one he’d never have had to climb if Cloud could’ve just found a place to sulk in the suburbs.

“It’s not _my_ sword.” Cloud glares at him, then his voice softens. “Zack was… a good friend. Even though he’s gone, I keep the memories of him safe within my heart.” He clenches his fist around the hilt, swallowing hard. “Sephiroth tried to take that away from me, drowning me in darkness. I come up here to remember Zack, and to remember why I’m here.”

“So… you’re ok?” Sora asks, and Cloud snorts, although there’s some humor to it, and he’s got a slight smile on his face when he replies.

“Regardless of what Leon told you, I’m not wallowing in misery or thinking about doing anything stupid.”  Cloud said. “I just come up here to remember times from before, when things were still good.”

“Things are good now,” Sora says, ever the optimist. “And if they’re not as good as you want them to be, you’ve gotta work towards what you want. You can’t let the past keep you tied down!” He gives Lea a look at that, one which Lea decides to ignore.

“Leon must really want the roofs reshingled if he sent you to convince me,” Cloud laughs.

“What does that mean?” Sora asks, attention back on Cloud.

“Tell him I’ll be back to help him tomorrow morning, although he’s fighting below the belt.”

“Oh. Oh! Ok!” Sora grins at Cloud, then turns to give Lea a thumbs up to indicate ‘mission accomplished.’ Lea rolls his eyes and started heading back down the god-awful hill as Sora says goodbye.

Fortunately it’s easier heading _down_ the hill than it was getting up, so they’re back to town in less than an hour. They head back towards the loading bay where Lea can see Chip and Dale sharing an ice cream cone as they chat with the three ducklings in charge of the stand. All five of them wave, although Lea’s pretty sure it’s Sora they’re greeting, not him. Sora returns the wave enthusiastically, then turns to Lea, putting his hands on his hips.

“So, uh, I know that technically that’s the end of the mission, but would you consider taking a detour on your way back? I need a lift.”

Lea raises an eyebrow and leans against the ship, mulling it over. Technically speaking, it’s not his ship and he’s expected to stick to the scheduled driving assignments and missions. But he’s got time to kill and plenty of room in the ship, and besides, he’s never really been one for rules. He’s basically stationed at Disney Castle under the chipmunks anyway, so it’s not like it would be an unauthorized trip. He shrugs his indifference.

“We’d have to clear it with Chip and Dale, but they like you so I don’t think they’d care.” He grins and decides Sora deserves a bit of cheering up, given the day they’ve had, so of course he turns to teasing. “You got a hot date or something? Riku can’t pick you up in his ship?”

Sora flushes, though whether it’s embarrassment or irritation it’s hard to tell. “ _No!_ ” he says a little too emphatically, and Lea grins even wider. Apparently he hit closer to the mark than he’d expected. Sora realizes this too and crosses his arms, looking away, although the blush deepens.

“No,” he repeats, “Riku is busy with the King and Master Aqua at Master Yen Sid’s. I just need a ride back to town.” He says it so casually Lea almost misses it, but Sora is _still_ avoiding his gaze and there’s tension in his crossed arm stance, so there’s no question which ‘town’ he means.

“Town, huh?” Lea asks, voice flat, and Sora frowns up at him.

“You’re a jerk, you know that, right?”

“Bad luck calling your driver names,” Lea says, pressing the button that will open the hatch. He starts to climb and looks down to stick his tongue out at Sora. “People who are mean to their ship captains are forced to walk the plank.”

“Gummi ships don’t have planks!” Sora protests as he follows Lea up the ladder.

“It’ll be a short walk then, won’t it?”

Despite Sora’s assertions that Lea’s a jerk, Lea _doesn’t_ kick him out of the moving vehicle into space, not even when Sora, Chip, and Dale make it down to 32 rounds of “99 paopu fruits on the tree” by the time Lea pulls into Twilight Town’s docks. Maybe he slams on the breaks a little more forcefully than was absolutely necessary, but he didn’t hit anything and everyone had been wearing their safety harnesses so it was fine.

Lea’s tempted to pop out and grab an ice cream for old time’s sake, but as he stands beside the ship to say goodbye to Sora, he catches movement out of the corner of his eye.

It jumped when it saw him looking at it, and it darted out of view, but Lea can still see the hint of golden hair behind the trash bin, and he smirks, despite himself. Roxas would _never_ be able to hide in the shadows with hair that bright. Then he feels another gaze on him, and he turns to see Sora beaming at him, hands tucked behind his head.

“You wanna go say hi? He wants to meet you, y’know.”

Lea hesitates, thinking on it. He _knows_ he should, knows he should just see what he’s been left to work with, but he still remembers meeting Roxas in the data world what seems like a lifetime ago, and how much it had hurt when he’d realized Roxas had forgotten him. He shudders to think how he’d feel now that he has an actual heart, and he forces himself to look away, shaking his head.

“Another time, maybe.”

Sora frowns at him and then turns without saying goodbye, trotting over to retrieve the puppet as it peeks out of its hiding spot again. Lea climbs back up into the ship and prepares for takeoff, but he already knows that the memory of the puppet’s expression as he flies off will haunt him for a long time to come.


	5. Chapter 5

Lea manages to avoid returning to Radiant Garden and Twilight Town for a couple of days, which means he can avoid thinking about his obligations, his responsibilities, and, of course, how he’s going to talk to the puppet without coming off sounding like a complete and utter ass. Nothing like starting a conversation with “Sorry I’ve been avoiding you, I just hate disappointment.” He’s pretty sure that’ll do more damage than good, but he also can’t envision himself just strolling up to it and inviting it out for ice cream, either.

Of course, the universe conspires against his desire to put it off indefinitely, or maybe Sora said something to Mickey and Yen Sid about Lea’s “another time” response, which inspired them to test his promise and his patience. Either way, his next mission finds him waiting outside of Twilight Town’s train station plaza, and he pointedly refuses to look up at the clock tower. He’s not sure what would upset him more, seeing the three kids from town sitting up there with the puppet or looking up and seeing _nothing_ , a stark reminder that everything and everyone he loved is gone.

He’s weighing the pros and cons of just up and leaving when Kairi finally appears, laughing as she talks to… _it._ The false Roxas stops dead in its tracks as soon as it sees Lea waiting there, but Kairi takes everything in stride. She hugs the puppet and says something inaudible before gently pushing it on its way. It turns back to look over its shoulder and peek at Lea, but Lea’s doing his best to look anywhere but in their direction. Kairi makes ‘shooing’ gestures until it finally disappears behind a building and heads back into town.

Kari makes her way over a minute later to stand beside him, voice cheery. She’s got a basket tucked under one arm, covered with some sort of check patterned towel. They must be heading out on another delivery mission, then. “Thanks for waiting. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” he says. His voice is flat and she gives him a _look_ , but she doesn’t say anything else as she leads him inside the station. The train is already there and waiting, so she just hands him a ticket and pats the seat beside her when they enter the empty cabin.

It isn’t until the train starts up and they’re on their way that she speaks up again, but she’s not going to lecture him today, apparently. It’s just some silly story about training mishaps with Sora and Riku, and catching him up to speed with everything that’s been going on in town. She mentions ‘Roxas’ once or twice but doesn’t press the issue and he doesn’t ask. She’s just finishing up a story about the triplet’s attempt at gummy-flavored ice cream via purloined ship parts when the train pulls into the station and they step out into a warm and sunny summer afternoon.

“Why here?” he asks, stopping as he takes in the familiar expanse of the Destiny Islands resort town. He hasn’t been back to this place since he kidnapped her, and it seems like she has the same thought. She turns and grabs him by the arm, tugging him along the beach when he doesn’t immediately follow.

“Everyone deserves a day at the beach,” she replies, then winks. “Even people who are too stupid to realize they’re working themselves up over nothing. C’mon!”

All things considered, he’s had more difficult missions in the past. Kairi doesn’t seem to have an agenda or even an errands list, they just wander through town at a leisurely pace, taking in the sights with the rest of the tourists. She stops every so often to catch up with a local, but she seems content to wander, never lingering long in one spot, soaking in the sun as they go.

If he’d known this was gonna be a sham mission he’d probably would’ve stayed in the gummi ship to take a nap, but since they still don’t seem to have anywhere specific to be, maybe he can stretch out on the beach later on. He gets a little bit of a workout when he’s given rowing duties out to the island, but it’s less than a mile away and the sea is calm, and it’s even more serene here at the old hideout than in town.

Kairi’s come prepared. She spreads out the checkered blanket on the sand under the shade of some paopu fruit trees, then pulls two bottles of water and some snacks from her basket and hands him one. They settle down into the shade for some companionable silence, each lost to their own thoughts.

Lea watches the waves, trying to remember if he ever really came here on any missions, or if it’d strictly been Roxas and Xion’s domain. He can’t really remember, but he guesses that means that if he did come here it didn’t leave any lasting impressions. It’s peaceful, yeah, but it’s also kinda dull.

“Do you miss it here?” he asks after a while, and she hums and tilts her head to think on it before answering.

“Yes and no. I lived here most of my life and I have a lot of happy memories, and a lot of friends,” she says, then turns to him and smiles. “But I have a lot of new memories and friends in Radiant Garden now, too, you know? I’m making a difference where I am.”

“Too big a fish for this small pond, huh?”

“No, it’s not that,” she says, then frowns, trying to put her feelings into words. “It’s more…. Even if I came back, it wouldn’t be the same. Sora and Riku are out there, doing what they do, and my other friends are here, doing what they do. I wouldn’t want to have to choose what _I_ do based on that.” She shrugs. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I get that.” The conversation seems to have run its course, so he leans back and closes his eyes to see if he can catch that nap before they head back. Honestly, if they were under attack Kairi would be the stronger of the two of them-- her pure heart and complete lack of darkness means her keyblade manifests more easily and hits the bad guys with stronger attacks. He’s sure she’ll swoop to his rescue if it comes to that.

“What about you?”

He cracks open an eye. “What about me?”

“What do you plan to do, now that everything is over?”

“Nothing’s over til you’re dead, and I’ve done that bit already,” he laughs, but she’s frowning at him like she’s not gonna let him slide away from the conversation with witty quips and snark. He sighs, then props himself up on his elbows. “Why don’t you tell me what I should do, since apparently the bucolic beach setup was a front?”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do,” she chides. “It’s just…. Look, I know we had a rough start but we’re friends, right?”  She doesn’t wait for him to respond, which is good, because he’s not really sure _how_ to respond when she says stuff like that.

“And as your friend, part of my job is helping you get over…. whatever it is you’re dealing with,” she says. She waves her hand in the air to dismiss his skeptical look. “I’m not saying we’re here to sit on the beach and braid each other’s hair. If you’d rather deal with stuff by repeatedly hitting things, or setting them on fire, that’s fine. There’s no one else here and you can do whatever you need to do to get out of this funk. But you need to do _something_. This holding pattern you’re in clearly isn’t working.”

“I’m not in a holding pattern,” he grumbles, but she just gives him a look.

“When was the last time you took the initiative to go out and do something without being ordered to do it?”

He tries to think back. “Eh, probably a month ago, when I left Twilight Town. You remember, you were there.”

She rolls her eyes at that. “And when was the last time you went out of your way to tease Sora and Riku, or play a practical joke on the castle guards, or just… do what you usually do?”

“Didn’t you hear?” He grins. “Radiant Gardens has a new regent-in-waiting and I’m pretty sure she’d kick my butt three times to tomorrow if she caught wind of me causing mischief in her city.”

Kairi gives him a shove and knocks him back onto the blanket. “I’m serious, Lea!” she says. “When was the last time you did anything for _you_ , just to make yourself happy?”

He can remember it clearly-- he went to the remains of Castle Oblivion and dug through the debris to find a viable blank puppet from Vexen’s lab. He’d been there for days, dealing with what was left of the world once Xehanort had finished trying to find the damn chamber with Ven. He’d volunteered for that mission. He’d volunteered for himself, yes, but mostly he’d done it for Roxas. Granted, Demyx had actually been the one to find the base they’d used, but he’d still gone, so that had to count for something. He’d been really happy that day.

“It’s not that simple,” he says at last, and he sits up to wrap his arms around his knees and stare out at the waves.

“Not always,” she agrees, “But that’s never stopped you before, has it?”

He doesn’t have a response to that, but it seems like it must’ve been rhetorical because she doesn’t ask him again. Instead they sit side by side, Lea staring out at the ocean, Kairi playing with a broken shell in the sand.

She means well. He knows she means well, but this pep talk or whatever it is she’s doing isn’t really helping him figure stuff out. And he _will_ figure stuff out, but it needs to be on his terms, and in his own way. The problem is, he’s never been very good with talking stuff through. He’s always been of the ‘actions speak louder than words’ school of thought, but the first thing he did when Roxas woke up was run away. And then, instead of addressing his fears and concerns from the start, he’s been avoiding the issue in every way he can think of.

Actions can’t speak much louder than _that_.

Still, it’s not what everyone thinks. No one’s asked him why, not really, and he can guess what they think: _Wow, Axel--and he’ll always be Axel to them-- Axel is being such a jerk, making the puppet feel bad, running away instead of giving the guy a chance. How can he be so mean?_ They think it but they don’t say anything, not to his face. They don’t ask, they just assume.

But he’s made some assumptions of his own. He remembers Roxas leaving, saying that they couldn’t be friends if he couldn’t trust Axel. He remembers Roxas fighting him every step of the way inside the simulation, taken in by the false serenity of the digital town. He remembers giving up everything for Roxas, going out with a literal bang in the hopes of seeing his best friend one last time, and all he got for his efforts was Sora’s sympathetic face.

There’s an echo of a memory of ice cream atop the tower, the goodbye they deserved but never got, and then he’d woken up in the lab. But ultimately it hadn’t mattered. Roxas hadn’t wanted to see him, not even at the end. Roxas would never-- _could_ never forgive him, and wanted nothing to do with him.

He’s assumed that this Roxas will probably come to the same conclusion, given enough time.

“Did you know that I got to talk to Namine for a long time, back in the stronghold, before she joined with me in the end?” Kairi asks out of the blue, and Lea turns to look at her again. She nods, then stares out over the sea again, her face softening as she recalled that meeting.

“When she saved me from the cell, she pulled me to a safe place where we could talk without fear of discovery. She told me who she was, _what_ she was, and all that she’d done.” Kairi pulls up her knees and tucks her chin into them. “It was sort of like a confession, telling me about all of the terrible things she’d been forced to do, and then how she’d tried to fix them to atone for all the hurt she’d caused.”

She looks over at him, face serious. “I don’t think I’ll ever know what went through her mind while we talked, but at the end she asked me if I would take her back. If I would help make her whole again. I think… I think she thought that I might say no, because she thought I’d be ashamed of everything she’d done. When I told her she was welcome to any place in my heart, I could _feel_ her relief.”

Lea raises an eyebrow-- that doesn’t sound like the Namine he’d known. She’d always been a fighter-- much like Kairi, come to think of it.

“She didn’t want to be alive anymore?” he asks.

“She didn’t think she _deserved_ to be,” Kairi corrects him. “So when she came back to me, it was a relief for her. But everything Namine told me, everything I remember from her memories-- Roxas fought, every step of the way. He only gave up when he saw how his existence was hurting Sora, and even then, he didn’t want to go.”

She gives him a steady look, frowning. “Sora won’t tell you this, and I only found out through Riku, but that haunts Sora’s dreams. Knowing that he stole everything from Roxas-- knowing that Roxas gave up his life willingly so that he could live-- that’s why Sora’s doing everything he can to help. He’s trying to give Roxas everything he took away, trying to help him become whole. And I think it’s been working because it’s what Roxas always wanted, to have a life of his own.”

They sit in silence for a bit, Lea mulling that over as Kairi looks back out over the ocean. It’s peaceful, once you can ignore the sand in your shoes and the damp sea salt air. What she’s said makes sense-- about Roxas, and even about Namine. But even though he can follow the logic, it doesn’t seem _right_ , and he tilts his head back to look at her.

“So she’s not coming back?”

“I don’t… maybe,” she says after a moment. “She’s usually pretty quiet, and when I try to talk to her, she doesn’t always answer.” Kairi holds a hand over her heart and smiles. “I can feel her. She knows that if she _wants_ to I will help her in any way that I can, and I think that helps. She’s me, but she’s also herself, you know? She deserves a chance at her own life, if she wants it, but I’m happy to share mine for as long as she wants.”

“What about Xion?” he asks, and he’s surprised by the anger in his voice. But that makes sense, too-- it hardly seems fair.

“I can tell you about her, what Namine remembers, and maybe that will help you remember more too,” Kairi says, and then her voice gentles. “It would probably be easier if you talked to Roxas about it.”

“Roxas isn’t _here_ and what’s left of him has fewer memories of her than I do,” Lea protests, and Kairi hits him with a paopu fruit.

“And whose fault is that?” she snaps. He picks up the fruit from where it fell after bouncing off his face and stares at it for a moment. Then he sighs and lowers it to his chest, holding it against his heart as he stares up through the tree branches.

“Lea, you’re an adult-- you’re older than me-- but you’ve been acting like a spoiled little kid who throws a tantrum when you don’t get everything you want,” she scolds him, and he can swear that she’s channeling Yen Sid. “Whatever ideal image of Roxas you have in your mind isn’t going to change the fact that there’s a very real person here who needs your help.”

“Does he?” Lea asks, and it comes out sharper than he meant it, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“ _Yes,”_ she grinds out. “We haven’t been lying when we said you need to come back. He’s been asking about you. He’s remembering things that none of us were there for, so we can’t explain it, so he’s frustrated and confused and I don’t know how else to tell you that Roxas needs you there, by his side, to make sense of it all.”

“The last time we.. in the real world,” he starts, then stops, choking on the words. “He was so angry about everything I’d done. Said nobody would miss him when he left. Didn’t even stop to say goodbye. Then I find him in the digital world and he’s so damn _happy._ Living a lie, sure, but he didn’t start worrying about things until he saw me. He didn’t even recognize me and seeing me made him upset.”

“Lea…”

He rolls up and away, resting his forehead against his knees, arms wrapped loosely around his legs. The paopu fruit dangles in his hand, forgotten.

“I can’t go through that again,” he says. “I can’t lose my best friend again, I can’t see him standing there in front of me and know that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Oh Lea.” He hears her move, and her touch is gentle as she wraps him in a loose hug. “He wants to see you,” she says again, and leans her head against the back of his shoulder. Then, she laughs. “Honestly, all of his questions end up leading back to you, to the point where Ienzo won’t answer his calls anymore. I don’t think you have to worry about him not wanting anything to do with you. It’s kinda cute and it would be endearing if I didn’t know you were such a big dork.”

He snorts at that, then stares down at the fruit in his hand. He never cared for paopu flavored stuff, it’s always had this lingering bitterness that sticks to your tongue, no matter what you eat or drink afterwards. Maybe it’s because he’d only tried them on his own-- the legends did say you were supposed to share. But he’s not ready for anything like that, not yet.

“So what am I supposed to do?” he asks at last.

“I think you’re the only one who can answer that, Lea,” she says, and there’s no irritation left in her voice but it hurts all the same. “Isn’t there somewhere you need to be?”

He breathes in, holds it, then lets it out on a slow exhale.

“Yeah,” he agrees at last, swallowing hard. “Yeah, I have some promises to keep to an old friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HOW ABOUT THAT NEW TRAILER??? :D
> 
> Final chapter should be up later this weekend!


	6. Chapter 6

There are few things he misses from his previous existence as a nobody. Some days he wishes he doesn’t feel things so intensely, while other days it’s knowing that he had a purpose, a goal to work towards that would make everything better. Today, it’s portals of darkness and the ease of getting from point A to point B. He realizes that he’s never actually had to climb the stairs up to the top of the clock tower, and _wow_ there are a lot of steps.

He knows he shouldn't be surprised to find the balcony already occupied, given that it's now the Twilight Town trio's-- _quartet_ 's-- favorite place to be, but he still pauses in the doorway when he sees the familiar blond spikes. The outfit’s changed-- there's no sign of the organization's black coat or the white checkered getup. The hues of red and orange with a touch of yellow-- Lea's colors, he realizes with a start. The outfit even includes the old scarf he left behind in Twilight Town what seems like a lifetime ago.

For a moment he considers turning around, just leaving without saying a word, but he's already come up all this way, and besides, the puppet’s back is ramrod straight, so clearly he heard Lea's approach. Even Lea isn't _that_ much of a dick, and it's not the puppet's fault he's not 100% _his_ Roxas. Besides, this is literally the reason why he came up here in the first place, and he’s not about to chicken out now.

He sighs, almost wishing he was enough of a jerk to turn around and leave, but Yen Sid's missions have softened some of the edges left over from his stint as a nobody, and Kairi’s words are still fresh in his mind. Besides, it just takes too much effort these days to be that antagonistic, especially when the person on the receiving end hasn’t done anything to deserve it.

“Hey,” he says instead, and makes his way over to his familiar seat, trying not to think about how the puppet is sitting in Roxas’ usual place. Even though it knew he was coming, the copy still jumps and cringes, muttering a ‘H-hey” under its breath as Lea sits down beside him.

It’s… awkward. Awkward, and painfully familiar. The puppet stares ahead, back straight, hands clenched into fists. Lea can see a slight tremble in the copy’s posture, as though the effort to sit still is the greatest strain it’s ever had to endure, and he snorts despite his decision to try being friendly first.

“Relax, I’m not going to push you off the ledge,” he says, and the puppet shoots him a frightened look, as though that thought hadn’t occurred to it. He laughs despite himself, and taps a finger to the side of his head. “Keep it memorized.”

The copy blinks at him, then laughs, relaxing a little as it stares out over the city again. “He told me you said things like that. I didn’t believe him.”

“He?” Lea asks.

“Sora. The… ‘memorized’ thing. He said you say it a lot.” The puppet scrunches up one side of his nose, as though he’s just smelled something distasteful. “It’s kinda lame.”

“ _Lame_?” Lea repeats, but the puppet just laughs, covering up its mouth with its hand when it realizes it’s laughing at him.

“Sora’s words, not mine,” the puppet replies, and Lea slumps back against the warm stone wall, letting out an irritated sigh.

They fall into an almost companionable silence, and if he doesn’t look over and see the copy’s atrocious outfit, Lea can almost pretend that it’s Roxas sitting there next to him. All they need is ice cream-- that, and something to talk about. Somehow it feels wrong to start a conversation about what he’s been up to, telling the copy of his best friend about how he’s gone to every world he’s ever visited-- and even some new ones-- mostly because he’s been going on those trips just to avoid this confrontation.

If he was more polite, he’d ask what this Roxas has been up to, but he’s not in the mood to hear about all of the copy’s good times with the Twilight Trio. It’s too close to what _his_ Roxas went through, and just another reminder of how much of a stranger Lea is to this copy.

The quiet of the rooftop makes it feel empty, too. Roxas would’ve teased him more, and it’s enough to remind him that although it sounds and acts like his best friend, it’s not Roxas. There’s also a space between them, enough for another person to sit down, and Lea remembers another best friend lost to forgotten memories.

He’s only been able to remember bits and pieces of Xion, and Kairi’s warning about Namine has him wondering if he’ll ever remember more. If he can’t remember things like Xion’s favorite color and the sound of her laugh, how can he even hope to bring her back? How can he call himself her friend?

As if the copy reads his thoughts, it speaks up again. “Ienzo said I won’t ever remember everything,” it says, and there’s regret in its voice, low and mournful. “Too much data was lost, and too many memories are fragmented and broken. I’ve tried… piecing things together, based on what people tell me, but even though I _know_ stuff that I did, I don’t remember it, so it doesn’t feel real.”

The puppet stares down at its hands, clenching them into fists. “He said that since I’m incomplete, and since Kairi doesn’t have all of Namine’s memory manipulation abilities, there probably isn’t enough left to bring Xion back without risking too much data loss. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Lea says on reflex. Kairi had hinted as much but it still hurts, knowing that he’s let the girl he only vaguely remembers down. But the puppet’s slumped as if it’s his fault entirely, and Lea recognizes the slouch of someone carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He sighs, and makes himself smile at the Roxas who’s not his best friend. There’s gotta be something, _anything_ , they can talk about that won’t lead back to an awkward emphasis on the puppet’s failings.

“Hey,” he says to get its attention, and he grins when it looks up at him. He nods off towards sunset and the brilliant colors deepening in the sky. “Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red.”

“It’s a light thing,” the puppet replies without hesitation, and Lea’s surprised to see it smiling back at him. “Ienzo keeps his lab full of books,” it explains, and taps its head with a slight smile. “I might not remember everything, but I memorized a lot of useless stuff. I had a lot of free time on my hands.”

“Know-it-all,” says Lea, and they fall back into silence, but it’s more comfortable this time. It’s Lea who breaks the quiet after some reflection. “I promised I would be there to get my friends back, and the first thing I did was run away.”

The puppet snaps its head up, looking at him with wide blue eyes, and Lea recognizes the curiosity and faint shadow of hope behind that expression. He forces himself to keep talking, although he turns his attention outward again so he can watch the distant sparkle of ocean waves.

“I promised that I’d do anything to keep Roxas and Xion safe. I guess I always figured I would instinctively know what that meant.” He looks at it again, and asks, “Did they tell you who Xion was?”

“They said she was a puppet filled with stolen memories, that she destroyed herself to help Sora,” it says, then it looks away. “She was like me.”

“She was one of my best friends,” Lea says. “I didn’t know what she was at first, but when I found out I didn’t care. I just wanted to keep her safe, because she was important to me. Then she was gone and I forgot all about her. When Roxas left, I was alone.”

“I don’t think me destroying myself will bring him back,” the puppet says after a moment’s hesitation. It’s staring down into the city below, and its fingers tug and twist at the fringe on the scarf around its neck. Then the Roxas who is not Roxas flinches when Lea puts a hand on his shoulder, but Lea keeps it to a light pat before he pulls away.

“I’m not asking you to,” he says, hating that that’s the immediate assumption. “What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter what you are. The only thing that matters is who you become.”

“Who I… become?” it repeats.

“I’m hoping it’s a friend,” Lea says, then holds up a hand when it flinches again. “Look, I’m sorry about… man, I’m sorry about everything. I treated you like crap and it wasn’t _your_ fault that you weren’t what I was expecting. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on how much of a jerk I was, though, and I’m sorry for lashing out and taking everything out on you.”

If he didn’t have its attention before, it’s completely focused on him now, and Lea runs fingers through his hair, feeling like an ass and wishing he was better at this kind of thing. Kairi would know just what to say. Sora could make anyone laugh, no matter what. Hell, even Riku would probably be better at this than him. Lea hasn’t really had enough practice apologizing to know how to go about this-- usually by the time he’s ready to say ‘sorry’ there’s no one left to apologize to.

Still, he’s gotta at least try.  “And then I ran away instead of staying to get to know you, instead of staying to _help_ you like I promised Sora and everyone else that I would. I’ve been so busy chasing the past that I didn’t stop to think about what I have here, and… I’m sorry.”

Lea doesn’t remember ever quite seeing that mixture of hope and fear and uncertainty on Roxas’ face before, and it’s hidden in a moment when the puppet breaks eye contact and stares back at its feet again. But there’s a slight flush on its cheeks, and it bites its lips, chewing on its words before it speaks.

“I don’t really know you,” the puppet admits after a moment. It sounds apologetic, and Lea can’t fathom why it’s-- why _he’s_ being so considerate. The Roxas who isn’t _his_ Roxas gives him a sad look.

“I don’t have any memories of you,” he says as way of an explanation. “The only things I know about you are what other people have told me. They _feel_ familiar, but I can’t…. Sora said we were best friends. I asked Ienzo but he doesn’t like to talk about stuff that happened... before. When he was, when _we_ were… not human.”

He pauses on that last bit as though he’s still not sure if he counts as human, or if Lea considers him to count. But Lea smiles and offers him a hand.

“I can’t promise that I remember everything, but I can tell you what I do remember. Just ask me your questions and I’ll answer anything I can,” he says. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”

Roxas takes his hand and gives him a tentative smile in return.

“Ok then… friends.” The Roxas that could _become_ his Roxas laughs, and leans back, sizing Lea up as though for the first time. “So, first question for Lea, my new friend-- how do you feel about ice cream?”

And Roxas beams at him, bright and hopeful and expectant and Lea feels a pang in his heart again. It hurts, but it’s a good kind of hurt this time, like his heart is having trouble handling all the memories of the times they used to have-- and hopeful about the times they can look forward to together. It might not be happiness, but it might _become_ something like it. Lea finds himself grinning back and nods.

“Ice cream would be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was supposed to be a oneshot.... oops? I'll link the companion fic from Data!Roxas' point of view here in the notes as soon as I post it. Until then, keep an eye on my Tumblr page, I've been releasing the pieces on there!
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! <3


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